She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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