What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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