Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
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She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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