So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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