pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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