just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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