The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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