you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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