she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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