he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize