Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
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THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I touched a dick in church today
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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