maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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