Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
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I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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