she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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