Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize