We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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