i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think people are normalizing furries
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize