I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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