Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize