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I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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