Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i don't like sucking hair
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize