The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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