Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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