If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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