Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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