Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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