I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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