So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize