Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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