My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
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