I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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