He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
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I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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