She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
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i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
is it fun? or sober?
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