I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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