She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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