chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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