He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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