Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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