Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think i have two assholes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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