I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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