He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
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I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
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Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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