I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize