You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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