i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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