I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
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He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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