I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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