I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize