At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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