I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
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my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
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I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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