I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How naked do you want me to be?
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